Everywhere you look, the world seems to finally be acknowledging the plethora of trauma we’re all submerged in. Phrases such as ‘trauma-informed teaching’ and ‘trauma-aware’ pop up everywhere.
We know more about trauma now than we have at any point in history. And yet, it seems we still know nothing at all.
Everyone talks about how trauma is easier to come by than decent housing. We talk about how adverse childhood experiences influence health outcomes in adults, or how a history of childhood trauma lends itself to interpersonal problems. We talk about de-stigmatising therapy, going on a ‘healing journey’ and freeing ourselves from the shackles of the past.
We see news articles, share them on social media and discuss them with co-workers, outlining horrific abuse suffered by an innocent child. We react with a hugging emoji, and post a comment of solidarity, saying we ‘could never survive’ such horror. We say we don’t understand how anyone could recover from that. In as little as 200 characters we have an out-pouring of empathy – this person has suffered so terribly, they should be given all the help available and then met with nothing but compassion if they eventually find they’ll never be fully “recovered”. Because who could ever be the same?
But that’s where it stops.
We may make idle comments about what happens next, but we never truly talk about it. Save for some tabloid inspiration porn, we don’t see what happens next. The loved ones of these people who have suffered stick around for a while – they have empathy and compassion and try to be as understanding as possible. But 10 years later and this person is still waking up with nightmares? He still can’t wear t-shirts; she still can’t get in a car, they still can’t use common kitchenware.
Don’t they know it’s their responsibility to ‘get help’?
Well, their loved ones can be forgiven for not not being able to hold out. How can someone be expected to stay in a relationship where they can’t even hold their partner without them bursting into tears, or recoiling at just the thought of their touch? How can someone be expected to continue a friendship where they can’t eat out together without extensive research of the layout first? Even then, they’d have to miss the reservation if they’re designated to table which isn’t facing the door or is in the centre of the room.
So, we share another news story. The devastating impact of trauma on the whole family. The collapse of a support system. Once again, we like and share, react with emojis and comment words of support: ‘I know I’ll be downvoted for this, but you can’t blame them. You can’t except someone to stop their own life to deal with someone else’s trauma. You have to put yourself first. A persons trauma isn’t their fault, but it is their responsibility to deal with it’.
But that comment is not ‘downvoted’ at all – it’s a sentiment many share. Anyone who disagrees is told they simply don’t understand the situation because they’ve never been in that position. And to be fair, there is a lot of truth to that.
To a lack of understanding, that is.
And that’s exactly what the After series will address – this idea that we like to think all problems have easy, workable solutions. That, if there is no ‘improvement’ it’s simply because the person hasn’t tried.
But people aren’t broken objects. Going to therapy isn’t the same as taking your car into the garage to be fixed. It’s not as simple as ‘ah, yes, this part is broken, lets swap it out and it’ll be good as new’.
For anyone who thinks like this, allow me to let you in on a little secret – we did go to therapy, we may still be going to therapy, we will probably always go to therapy. It’s an ongoing process. One which we all would benefit from because growth never stops.
As complex beings, our sadness, as well as happiness, are both complex. Which means our healing is too. But it’s worth investing in.
The ‘After’ series will focus on this: life after trauma and all of the many things this entails.
The first ‘proper’ post in this series will go live on 26/11/23, focusing on the theory underpinning exposure therapy.
If you have an aspect of post-trauma life you’d like to see covered in this series, please comment below or e-mail contact@traumatranslated.co.uk
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